Something Fishy This Way Comes

 I had what turned out to be my final CT scan on December 30, and the news was not at all good. The oncologist was surprised at how well I looked and felt that day, in spite of my liver being riddled with cancer. There is nothing else to be done. He supposed that I had about 2 months, and that was already 2 weeks ago.

I have been set up with a Hospice organization. So far, I have a nurse come twice every week and a home health aide who will visit once a week. This is until I need more attention and care. For a while, I was having a rough time with nausea and vomiting. A lot. The nurse arranged for me to get some anti-nausea medicine which worked great but makes me sleepy. I can handle sleeping. 

On the knitting front, may I present the Fish Hat, from Knitty Winter Issue of 2008. 

Something the fishy has gone to live in Maine.

In the hospital

 Immunotherapy was a disaster. It caused ulcerative colitis and put me in the hospital for 3 nights. 

I have almost recovered from the treatment and will see my oncologist Friday to see what we can do next.

Thanksgiving was good.

Cancer Still Sucks

 The latest CT scan on the 7th wasn’t encouraging; the cancer is growing. Even so, Dr. Pederson is prescribing immunotherapy which will begin this Friday, the 14th. I asked if we could wait until January, after all the holidays, to begin and the oncologist said that if we wait 3 months, I would be feeling sick. So I guess it is growing fast.

This particular cancer, secondary small-cell carcinoma of the liver, often occurs in cases of colon and rectal cancers, so I am not special. There is no cure, only management. 

There will be no more chemo. Surgery? Sloan-Kettering offers surgery, but it is rather cutting edge from what I can gather. Immunotherapy it is, and I get to keep my hair. 

In other news, I finished the skull socks for Sweetie and they fit! Maybe a little loose but better than too tight. And I have begun another pair for him because why not? 

I need to make 7 more snowflake blocks, out of 34. I knit a quickie scarf: cast on 200 st. and knit. Cut yarn. Change yarn and knit back. Rinse and repeat. 

Cancer sucks

 So, here we are almost 3 weeks out from my visit to the GI cancer specialist, Dr. Pederson. I was surprised because she took a long time with me, asking questions and then listening to my answers. Long story short, this cancer is something I will die with, but maybe not from. The game plan is to wait until the next CT scan on Oct. 7 to check the status of my liver and then, depending on the results, we will either wait and see if it is not growing and stable. If that is the case, we can try immunotherapy. If there is growth, we might go for more chemo or a clinical trial. So there are options.

All I know for sure is that I am tired and lack energy every day. I can't even bake bread. I think this may be the new normal, although it may be that I am still recovering from the last chemo treatment. That one was hard. I don’t want more chemo, but there’s no need to worry about that right now.

. Oh, and I believe I am losing some cognitive abilities, which may be due to chemo-brain or it may be just that I getting old. It’s worrisome. I don’t have much of an appetite; the texture of many foods repulses me. Because of that, I have lost 5 pounds.

I have finally engaged a house cleaner to come every 2 weeks something I have been meaning to do ever since my last cleaner retired three years ago. I’m trying to plan ahead for the time when I won’t be able to clean. I want her in place for when I am gone since Sweetie and School Marm are not people to notice grime or dust. However, School Marm has taken to gardening with a passion. I cheer her on.

I can still knit, which gives me great pleasure. These are skull socks for Sweetie, and it's a free pattern from Knitty (sometime in 2011.) It's a slog sometimes as I have ripped back to the cuffs twice. The other day I noticed an error and I said I would be damned if I was going to rip out anymore. 

After the second rip-out, I put the socks aside and began a crochet project. It's a hexagon granny square throw made of washable wool. The little things desperately needed blocking so I made this device from a piece of wood and size 10 DP knitting needles, with no glue used. Cute and easy snowflakes.

If anyone is reading this, hello and I hope you are doing well!

Just some photos

 Nothing much new but someone wanted to see some of my mosaic knitting and since I don't do tweeter or Instagram, this is the best place for me to post. Click to embiggen.

Scarf 

School Marm's Socks

Banana for Scale

And just because they are so lovely, 

here's a shot of the Surprise Lilies

I'm so tired

So the most recent CT scan was not encouraging - the chemo only shrank the tumors but they are still there. 

Funny thing is, is that I recently went to see my primary caregiver, herself a cancer survivor, and in the course of our conversation she said it sounded like I had already given up. Which I had. But she succeeded in giving me a little hope that maybe things weren’t so bad. For a couple of days, I had that little bit of hope until I had the scan. No more chemo. No more hope.

Except for experimental treatment or immunotherapy. I now have an appointment with a specialist for my sort of cancer in a few weeks.

All the while, I can’t help but think the cancer is growing and spreading. I am still tired almost all the time and the least exertion exhausts me. The oncologist's best guess is that I have two years of life left, but I think that is too optimistic. We’ll see. I am already losing weight because most food is unappealing and I have little appetite.

All I seem to do is knit, which makes me happy. Here is another pair of socks for Sweetie made from Berroco Sox. Currently on the needles is a pair for School Marm. Her pair is mosaic knitting, a pattern by Caryl Pierre on Ravelry. I just switched from double-pointed needles to 2 circular needles per sock and I am amazed at how much I like making socks this way. No more little gaps between needles and since the new ones are chrome-plated, knitting is faster because the needles are so slick.

Flower bed

Raised bed of vegetables

 Photos of the garden taken on June 16th. Everything is bigger and more lush every day.

 

I don’t know how long it’s been since my last post, but I bet it was before my 4th and last round of chemo, for now. (I checked and it was June 2.) I was laid low for 10 days and very weak. Now, 2 and 1/2 weeks out, I am feeling better. Not 100%, but better. I’ll see the oncologist July 8, and will get another CT scan then. I am trying to have no expectations, but I do hope that I won’t have any more chemo soon. 

Sweetie is having to work 8 days straight, for various reasons, and I worry about him. And he worries about me. The new company, who bought out the old company last October, has gutted maintenance and their budget and the mechanics are quitting and they wonder why their company is not as productive as they once were. Duh. Sweetie has seen it before and he says he will keep his head down and do his job. Around this area, his job pays really well (and there is the, you know, insurance and I need that insurance.) I was scouting out a local snack plant and the pay for sanitation workers was $13 and production paid $12. That’s a hard nope.

School Marm has ended her public school teaching career and is casting about for something part time locally. Her commute had been an hour each way, and even with her Toyota Corolla, it was costing her $70 a week in gas. She was not alone; about a quarter of the high school teachers also quit. I found out that a starting teacher here in Missouri makes $25,000. School Marm has a Masters and some other advanced certification, and I won’t say how much she made, but it wasn’t enough. It’s shameful. I’m too tired to rant. 

The garden and the entire back yard is looking great, so that’s a joy. I will hand all the glory for it to School Marm who has diligently started seeds, transplanted seedlings, dug in the dirt, and so much more. Most days I have had so little energy that all I am capable of very little. Sweetie has gotten into the spirit with the weed whacker and loppers and so the fence line is clear. 

I finished the Night Shawl, but I don’t have photographic evidence. My twitchy hands needed a project so I bought some sock yarn from Simply Socks in Ft. Wayne, IN. (I am pleased with her service; my order was shipped within an hour.) And because my brain needed a project, too, I am learning how to knit socks on 2 circular needles. I have been resistant to changing from my bamboo double points, of which I have many, but I will be attempting to knit a pair of socks using mosaic stitch and every online tutorial and pattern I ran across suggested 2 circulars. So here I am knitting a pair of vanilla socks with them and once I got into the rhythm, it has become pleasurable. I had to order the needles from Knit Picks because I did not have any. These are chrome plated size 1, and they are comfortable and smooth to knit with. I think I am a convert.