I'm not special

 

So glad to back solving Wordle on the regular. My last three tries were solved in 6, 4, and 2 and today was another 4. 

Chemo starts again on Wednesday. It hit me so unexpectedly hard this time, and this round will be worse. My hair had just started falling out. I googled why chemo makes ones hair fall out and I learned this: the chemicals in the chemo attack fast dividing cells. Hair follicles, the mouth, and stomach have a lot of fast dividing cells so the hair falls out, one can get mouth sores and a white-coated tongue, and also have stomach issues. 

I will get my hair cut very short again, I guess, but I will put it off as long as possible. 

Still awkward and anxious

 

                                                                I have 7 of these traits.

Thank goodness for Reddit, my happy place. Please check it out if you have never been there.

Someone asked me about the Awkward Family Photos watermarked on my last post and what? That's your mother-in-law? Yeah, right. The story is true. School Marm sent in the photo many years ago to AFP who liked it and posted it on their website. They wanted to put it in their first (and only?) book but School Marm said they had too many hoops to jump through and so declined the offer. 

It's a dreary, gloomy, rainy day. Spring has burst forth, as they say. Every day is more green and colorful than the last. It's nice. 

I have been sitting in a comfy chair and knitting. Finished Sweetie's socks and he put them on and kept them on for 2 days and nights. I think he likes them. 

I am still working on the Night Shift shawl. It gets 1 stitch wider every other row, so as it grows each pass takes a little longer. I do get tired of the repetition at times, but sometimes that is what I like most about it. I also like that while there are only two charts, I can change yarn, and the perceived pattern shifts. 

I am worried about Knitting Jean in Edinburgh. She had been missing in action since Thursday.

Whiter Shade of Pale

 

Sorry about my absence, if you noticed it at all. The above photo is courtesy of my late mother-in-law who, after the divorce, either cut out or whited out her ex-husband from as many family pictures as possible. So yeah, kinda funny, except now the kids have very few photos of their dad. 

Chemo kicked my ass worse than I thought it would because last time I sailed through first round. This time, I wasn't as strong to begin with and so this first course prostrated me more quickly and thoroughly. Fortunately, I have a comfy couch in a dark room so I can just flop there, out of everyone's way. Either our little dog Snoopy or the elderly kitty or both keep me company.

I was too weak and chemo-brained for Wordle. 

But this course is done and I have almost 2 more weeks before the next round. And it's a lovely day today; warm and sunny with beautiful blue skies. Yesterday was springtime midwest at its finest: hard rain, strong wind, and lightning.

Waiting for the Glow Up

 

My last chemo-free day for a while. I will begin a 3-day course tomorrow. I have done this before and I expect no surprises; I will feel okay this week and I may feel okay after the second course at the end of the month, but the third course is bad and the last course can fuck right off. That’s when I will need the most assistance and I am so glad that School Marm will be around to help me since school will be out at the end of May.

I might try to re-pot a huge, root-bound aloe plant today if it warms up just a little bit more because I want to do it outside. The plant needed to be repotted last year but I never found the energy. I told School Marm that she will inherit all my plants and I am not sure she wants all of them but Sweetie would surely allow them all to die from lack of attention even though most of them are succulents. 

I am continuing to knit on Sweetie’s socks. The yarn is Berroco Sox or something along those lines. I particularly like this yarn because the self-striping repeat is about 6 or 7 inches, and the color changes often enough to keep me interested. I am at the heel flaps.

Wordle today, as yesterday, took four tries. What an interesting game it is. I like the logic required to solve it.

Drum Drum Drum

 

6, 2, and 3 describe my Wordle scores for the last three days. I’m particularly proud of the 2 because I started with GRIPE and the word was TROPE.

I’m wandering around the house looking and gathering and planning. What do I sell, what do I give to friends, what do I donate, and what do I just trash? I sold a couple of books and tablet weaving cards on Marketplace and even though I said local only, I ended up mailing anyway. If I want to continue to mail things off, I need to acquire some boxes. I’m feeling scattered and somewhat lost, but doing this “Death Cleaning” makes me feel better. And it all comes down to not leaving too much for Sweetie and sister-in-law, (whom I should start calling School Marm), do manage. I want to take care of whatever I can before I die. I’m doing research and have filled out a Power of Attorney for Health Care Directive, and looked at simple wills. 

It was hard to type that, “before I die.” While all the time, my brain is saying to me, “you’re going to die soon”. It’s all I can think about. Well, no, I am thinking about other things but the drumbeat in the background is “you’re going to die soon.” 

The cancer is metastatic. I imagine I can feel the damage being done to my innards, or maybe I do feel it. I don’t know.