It's a funny thing, how one's moods/hormones/medical condition/etc. can color one's outlook on life and even one's perception of reality. A few days ago I was in the midst of well-being and willing to happily co-exist with the world and now - and now - I feel an overwhelming sense of despair, anxiety, and uselessness. It isn't a good way to feel. So I feel guilt and shame, which exacerbates the depression. Crap.
Yesterday I was in a state. Arkansas? Alabama? Ha Ha. No, really, it was ugly. My mind was full of anxiety over things that I had no control over. For example, the grass is high and lawn mower is awaiting a part. Barn door is still broken. House still needs painting. Flower bed is a shambles. Bunny barn needs to be mucked out. (Insert everything Sweetie has not done in last year.) I was angry and aggravated the entire day, made worse by Sweetie working two 12 hour days in a row. And I got mad at him for not tackling these projects RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT! Useless and pointless, but that is where I was and sort of still am. I'm trying to get over it.
The weather is changing now and getting cooler. Maybe that will help. If we can get this crappy air out of here and I stay inside until then, maybe I will feel good once again.
This morning I clipped Griselda. I got her from my friend Diane L. a couple of years ago when Diane got out of the bunny biz. She never has been of much worth, angora fiber-wise, but we took her in and cared for her nonetheless. She has finally delivered good wool thanks maybe to better feed and her own cage. Murgie was quite smitten with her and did his best to impregnate her but as far as I can tell, penetration never occurred. Life is so hard for a footloose (footless) bunny.
I now have 24 angora bunnies. I did the math. 4 clips per bunny per year = about 100 clips per year. Wow. About 16 ounces prime angora per bunny per year = 384 ounces. 384 ounces of angora at an average of five dollars an ounce = $1920 a year. A living wage in Arkansas or Alabama. (I jest.) The little critters pay for their feed and hay and I make a little bit, too. Those of you thinking about following in my footsteps, beware!
I have pictures! Griselda looking good! Also Lord Murgatroyd still lusting for Miss G. And I said I would get you all a shot of the current ART project which is called at the moment "Praying Figure." Do not judge yet. It is a work in progress. And hon, being 'honned' is nothing but my southern heritage, something I thought I'd hidden, like one hides a petticoat. Yes, you need to check daily! All kindsa shit is apt to happen at any time whatsoever! We are wild and krazy! If you don't check every day, you may MISS IT!
1 comment:
This, I think, is just a time thing. The depression was brought on by allergies, so I am attempting to heal the body so the mind can heal , too.
I almost wrote that I am not unhappy. At this moment, I am not unhappy. That is more accurate.
I don't have a therapist, but I do have enough money for a massage and pedicure.
Part of the reason for me blogging is not to isolate anymore but to focus on and write about my life, my feelings; to put it out there instead of stuffing or denying. So don't worry about me unless I stop writing. Then worry.
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