Saturday, April 29, 2006
It's been a rough day here at Fuzzarelly's place. My sweetie has been in Georgia helping out with his very sick mother and I've been here dealing with an outbreak of pasteurella in my bunny herd. This seems to be an extremely virulent type that strikes suddenly and kills quickly. I was totally distraught yesterday - hopeless and in tears. Drove an hour to a vet that examined a sick baby, and gave me meds and encouragement and hope. I thought that sick baby would make it - last night, he seemed well enough, was lively and eating.
This morning, though, pneumonia had set in. That has been the usual course of this outbreak.Pasteurella isn't the primary cause of death - pneumonia is. They drown. I have lost so many babies lately from this and I feel so responsible for all these little lives. I blame myself. I cannot bear their suffering and I don't seem to be able to heal them.
I don't run a "bunny mill." I love all my bunnies and treat them as pets. Their environment is clean and well ventilated, with fresh food and water at all times. It is like a dagger in my heart when they sicken and die and I feel so very powerless.
I am doing all I am able to do, but it isn't enough. I have another one in isolation tonight in the kitchen and I have told him that he WILL LIVE!, DAMMIT! DO NOT DIE OR I WILL KILL YOU!
On the other hand, there is so much life, so many babies, flora and fauna, everywhere this April. It is so beautiful and is my very favorite time of year. I sit on the porch and commune with the house bunnies and the cat and the dogs while I knit or read or zone. I take the long way home from town, down lanes and dirt roads. Dogwoods and redbuds, wildflowers, henbit and dandelions. The atmosphere is vibrant with life emerging. The sky is so clear and blue. Hope springs eternal and all that. It's hard to deal with death amidst so much life.
At 49, maybe it's time to be a grown up but I hope to not lose the wonder - and heartbreak - that this life offers us. I don't really want to grow up. I want to keep that childish hope in the good and beautiful. I want my babies to grow up and have a good life. Just like any other mother.
And now for something completely different, I own fuzzarelly.com! This is through easydot.com. However, there is always a floater in the pool and I am having to deal with not having an up-to-date-enough browser to actually design my pages. Sigh. And my sweetie is far away - my fixer of the computer woes. But soon, I will have my own website so I can hawk my angora, merino, and silk blends to the world. I am selling on eBay now, under - what else, could it be, yes, it is - FUZZARELLY - but with summer upon us and the lousy economy and all, sales have plummeted. Maybe I can _brand_ fuzzarelly and make it hip and trendy and sell the dickens out of it. Or at least make enough $ to pay for the kids feed and meds.