Friday, October 16, 2009

Take as directed.

The nine signs of depression, according to WebMD. If one answers yes to at least five questions, look out.

A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning.
Lately, yes.

Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day.

Impaired concentration, indecisiveness.

Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day.
Not so much.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day.

Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death.)
I am not fearing death, nor contemplating it.

A sense of restlessness -- known as psychomotor agitation -- or being slowed down -- retardation.
Yes, retardation.

Significant weight loss or gain (a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.)
No. I wish I could say weight loss.

And don't forget to figure in the drinking. A woman is considered to have a problem if she has more than three drinks at a time. Hell, I'm just getting started at three.

So, what to do?

Part of me is screaming out for help, and part of me doesn't want to make any effort. At all. But putting this out here on the blog is a start. I don't have any insurance right now, so that sort of help, therapy, more drugs, rehab, is out of the question.

Today and tomorrow is the fiber festival, and, apparently, I am not going to make it. At all. Sorry to everyone that was counting on me to be there. I hurt and I ache, and I can't bear the thought of being among people. I feel totally overwhelmed.