Monday, March 31, 2008

Allow Ink to Dry

John Belushi and Chevy Chase did this skit once...

Spring comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb. That’s how March works here in the United States.

But did you know that March behaves differently in other countries? In Norway, for example, March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. Or, take the case of Honduras where March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a salt marsh harvest mouse.

Let’s compare this to the Maldive Islands where March comes in like a wildebeest and goes out like an ant. A tiny, little ant about this big.

[holds thumb and index fingers a small distance apart]

Unlike the Malay Peninsula where March comes in like a worm-eating fernbird and goes out like a worm-eating fernbird. In fact, their whole year is like a worm-eating fernbird.

Or consider the Republic of South Africa where March comes in like a lion and goes out like a different lion. Like one has a mane, and one doesn’t have a mane. Or in certain parts of South America where March swims in like a sea otter, and then it slithers out like a giant anaconda.

There you can buy land real cheap, you know. And there’s a country where March hops in like a kangaroo, and stays a kangaroo for a while, and then it becomes a slightly smaller kangaroo. Then, then, then for a couple of days it’s sort of a cross between a, a frilled lizard and a common house cat.

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Wait wait wait wait. Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo, and then it goes out like a, like a wild dingo. Now, now, and it’s not Australia! Now, now, you’d think it would be Australia, but it’s not!

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Now look, pal! I know a country where March comes in like an emu and goes out like a tapir. And they don’t even know what it means! All right? Now listen, there are nine different countries, where March comes in like a frog, and goes out like a golden retriever. But that- that’s not the weird part! No, no, the weird part is, is the frog. The frog- The weird part is-

[has seizure and falls off chair]


Mouse said...

I nearly wrecked my keyboard with tea while reading this. lol.

Anonymous said...

I shake my head at your silliness. Why aren't you our president?



I remember seeing this skit on the actual TeeVee back in, what, 1975?

I thought I was going to die! And then I saw Roseanne Roseanna Danna. I thought. That I. Was. Going to. Die. The humor was irreverent and sharp, up to date. Silly. It seemed so good and, in retrospect, it was. Those were fine TeeVee times. And that was the seventies, an era that included The Crazy Out Theres v. The Conservatives in Your Own Home Town.

Sometimes I feel so old because my cultural (supposedly cultural. pop cultural.) references are so dated. I was 18 in 1975. But I don't feel terribly old. It's just that my references are set in the years between my eleventh and eighteenth birthdays. That is the years from 1968 to 1975. Anything after that I know entirely by accident.