Friday, September 12, 2008

Address Correction Requested


You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss - and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you... That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken. Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP!

Tony Hendra
National Lampoon


Knitting Linguist said...

I can't tell if I'm uplifted or depressed! I think probably the former :)

Valerie said...

I've seen this many times over the years, but it never fails to amuse.

Anonymous said...

NNS explained this to me at yesterday's barn. I'm embedding phrases of it in my permanent memory. Missed you.


Anonymous said...

Flashback to 1972, second shift and a radio show called Dr. Demento.


zippiknits said...

Dr Demento was great.

I've seen this parody of an older piece and it's got the ability to depress because .. nothing has changed! But I think it's hilarious, too. I'm only a bug and know it. :)

zippiknits said...

That's raw humor. Still Love it after all these years.

"Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back."

The Universe can afford to laugh. We are after all, only "malodorous worms", if St. Theresa can be believed. She knew a lot about that big old Universe. ;o)

Yah, I swore off politics and the economy today, too.