Pampered Proboscis wrote via email "I admire your candid sharing [about your allergies and depression]. Sure, I believe getting crap out of one's self is good for one's self but it takes guts to go public in the human weakness department."
Thanks for the note, PP. I guess I sometimes feel very free communicating this way, by blog. I try to be honest in what I write, since I am a terrible liar. Writing helps me to focus and to actually think about what I am feeling at the moment.
The medz (Effexor) have helped me tremendously over the last four years. I still get depressed but I am not disabled by it. Also, the allergies really really exacerbate these bluest of blues. So when the allergies are in check, I mostly feel fine. I also don't have that ambient and near constant anxiety that was so much a part of who I was that I didn't even realize how much damage it was doing to my health.
I have no interest in being a zombie. I still want to feel my emotions. What I don't want is for them to control and harm me.
To end on an up note, we have -
Top 10 Party Games for People Over 50
1 Sag! You're It!
2 Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
3 20 Questions Shouted in Your Good Ear
4 Kick the Bucket
5 Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
6 Doc, Doc, Goose
7 Simon Says Something Incoherent
8 Musical Recliners
9 Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10 Hide and Go Pee!
Here's one I like - Hide and Go Leave
Fuzzarelly is Back
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
the Honey Do List
There is a reason that I persist in my childish behavior - it works. More often than not. My little fit of masochistic passive aggression did the trick and Sweetie got all sorts of chores done around the house on his three-day weekend. I am so glad. Of course, Crazy Neighbor, Josh the Hyperactive helped with the motivation. "C'mon, let's fix that barn door! Help me with this and then we'll take another load to the burn pile. And later......" That was the routine for the better part of two days.
My friend Nancy commented to me that I haven't written about Bonnie lately. The news isn't good. The lameness in her hind quarters has gotten so bad that she falls sometimes on our walks and it's difficult or impossible for her to get up on the couch. She's just a shadow of her former self.
I knew that Sweetie and I would have to take that dreadful trip to the vet soon but Sweetie was reluctant. "Maybe we can get her some more shots; that helped last time." And I would reply that that would only prolong the inevitable and we were going to have to put her down THIS WEEK. She's not getting better and she won't get better. Ever. Now, it is a week later and Sweetie has finally come to grips. We purchased a memorial at the Concrete Lady on Friday - it's an almost life-sized statue of a sleeping dog all curled up and restful looking. It looks like her. The site was selected and dirt has been excavated. We'll take her to the vet Wednesday or Thursday for her final sleep.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Let's Eat!
Lord Murgatroyd cracks me up. I feed the dogs every evening about 7:30, and Murgie knows it. When I start rattling dog bowls and dishing out pellets, he hops into his cage and starts looking for his food. Sweetie took two photos of him to his work yesterday, since he yammers on about him all the time. I think he has his own fan club now! Murgie, too.
Learned a couple of things recently. First, I look great in V necks! I've always hated V necks and never wore them until this summer. I can now identify both horse weed and ragweed. They are in bloom now. I am a masochist and a passive-aggressive so I almost got into an argument with Sweetie but went out and mowed this afternoon instead. I'll make myself sick and that'll show the bastard.
Thanks for all the emails and fish. I do need your good vibes right now.
Learned a couple of things recently. First, I look great in V necks! I've always hated V necks and never wore them until this summer. I can now identify both horse weed and ragweed. They are in bloom now. I am a masochist and a passive-aggressive so I almost got into an argument with Sweetie but went out and mowed this afternoon instead. I'll make myself sick and that'll show the bastard.
Thanks for all the emails and fish. I do need your good vibes right now.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
FEH.
It's a funny thing, how one's moods/hormones/medical condition/etc. can color one's outlook on life and even one's perception of reality. A few days ago I was in the midst of well-being and willing to happily co-exist with the world and now - and now - I feel an overwhelming sense of despair, anxiety, and uselessness. It isn't a good way to feel. So I feel guilt and shame, which exacerbates the depression. Crap.
Yesterday I was in a state. Arkansas? Alabama? Ha Ha. No, really, it was ugly. My mind was full of anxiety over things that I had no control over. For example, the grass is high and lawn mower is awaiting a part. Barn door is still broken. House still needs painting. Flower bed is a shambles. Bunny barn needs to be mucked out. (Insert everything Sweetie has not done in last year.) I was angry and aggravated the entire day, made worse by Sweetie working two 12 hour days in a row. And I got mad at him for not tackling these projects RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT! Useless and pointless, but that is where I was and sort of still am. I'm trying to get over it.
The weather is changing now and getting cooler. Maybe that will help. If we can get this crappy air out of here and I stay inside until then, maybe I will feel good once again.
This morning I clipped Griselda. I got her from my friend Diane L. a couple of years ago when Diane got out of the bunny biz. She never has been of much worth, angora fiber-wise, but we took her in and cared for her nonetheless. She has finally delivered good wool thanks maybe to better feed and her own cage. Murgie was quite smitten with her and did his best to impregnate her but as far as I can tell, penetration never occurred. Life is so hard for a footloose (footless) bunny.
I now have 24 angora bunnies. I did the math. 4 clips per bunny per year = about 100 clips per year. Wow. About 16 ounces prime angora per bunny per year = 384 ounces. 384 ounces of angora at an average of five dollars an ounce = $1920 a year. A living wage in Arkansas or Alabama. (I jest.) The little critters pay for their feed and hay and I make a little bit, too. Those of you thinking about following in my footsteps, beware!
I have pictures!
Griselda looking good! Also Lord Murgatroyd still lusting for Miss G. 
And I said I would get you all a shot of the current ART project which is called at the moment "Praying Figure." Do not judge yet. It is a work in progress. 
And hon, being 'honned' is nothing but my southern heritage, something I thought I'd hidden, like one hides a petticoat. Yes, you need to check daily! All kindsa shit is apt to happen at any time whatsoever! We are wild and krazy! If you don't check every day, you may MISS IT!
Yesterday I was in a state. Arkansas? Alabama? Ha Ha. No, really, it was ugly. My mind was full of anxiety over things that I had no control over. For example, the grass is high and lawn mower is awaiting a part. Barn door is still broken. House still needs painting. Flower bed is a shambles. Bunny barn needs to be mucked out. (Insert everything Sweetie has not done in last year.) I was angry and aggravated the entire day, made worse by Sweetie working two 12 hour days in a row. And I got mad at him for not tackling these projects RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT! Useless and pointless, but that is where I was and sort of still am. I'm trying to get over it.
The weather is changing now and getting cooler. Maybe that will help. If we can get this crappy air out of here and I stay inside until then, maybe I will feel good once again.
This morning I clipped Griselda. I got her from my friend Diane L. a couple of years ago when Diane got out of the bunny biz. She never has been of much worth, angora fiber-wise, but we took her in and cared for her nonetheless. She has finally delivered good wool thanks maybe to better feed and her own cage. Murgie was quite smitten with her and did his best to impregnate her but as far as I can tell, penetration never occurred. Life is so hard for a footloose (footless) bunny.
I now have 24 angora bunnies. I did the math. 4 clips per bunny per year = about 100 clips per year. Wow. About 16 ounces prime angora per bunny per year = 384 ounces. 384 ounces of angora at an average of five dollars an ounce = $1920 a year. A living wage in Arkansas or Alabama. (I jest.) The little critters pay for their feed and hay and I make a little bit, too. Those of you thinking about following in my footsteps, beware!
I have pictures!
Griselda looking good! Also Lord Murgatroyd still lusting for Miss G. 
And I said I would get you all a shot of the current ART project which is called at the moment "Praying Figure." Do not judge yet. It is a work in progress. 
And hon, being 'honned' is nothing but my southern heritage, something I thought I'd hidden, like one hides a petticoat. Yes, you need to check daily! All kindsa shit is apt to happen at any time whatsoever! We are wild and krazy! If you don't check every day, you may MISS IT!
Monday, August 28, 2006
DAMN ALLERGIES
I still feel bad. Or rather, I feel bad again after having a few good days.
Spent much of Friday and Saturday outside at Sellersburg Celebrates with Lynne. We were in the Fine Arts (ha ha) tent, close to the row of food vendors. "Why yes, let's buy this silver necklace then go get some funnel cake." I found the hours confusing, vendor parking wasn't thought out, and the lousy hot and thick air kept the customers away from our $85 booth. What fun. Lynne sold a couple of purses and a few skeins of yarn and made contacts and did okay - she made enough to cover the booth and a little bit more. The money I made came from her, as she bought 5 of my miniature quilted landscapes and two pair of knitting needles.
It was the sitting outside that has made my Allergies flare up and the Allergies brought along their little friend, Depression. Sweetie says that everyone where he works is complaining that their allergies are bad at this time, even those who have never been bothered before by allergies.
What to do? I'm gonna go take my second nap of the day here in a minute. I feel extremely low energy. Xtreme Sloth! That's part of my problem, the guilt of not being productive. It's hard for me to acknowledge that I'm really ill and not just being lazy. And there is always so much to do! If I even try to knit right now, I will most certainly fall asleep. Blogging isn't keeping me awake very well, either.
So let me finish today by saying that I have begun an art quilt using the silk noil which I dye painted. I started out not really knowing where the piece would end and then stared at and studied it for a few days. Re-did some of the first work and am now happy. The subject is a praying figure and the colors are warm pinks and reds. I will try for a photo next post.
Spent much of Friday and Saturday outside at Sellersburg Celebrates with Lynne. We were in the Fine Arts (ha ha) tent, close to the row of food vendors. "Why yes, let's buy this silver necklace then go get some funnel cake." I found the hours confusing, vendor parking wasn't thought out, and the lousy hot and thick air kept the customers away from our $85 booth. What fun. Lynne sold a couple of purses and a few skeins of yarn and made contacts and did okay - she made enough to cover the booth and a little bit more. The money I made came from her, as she bought 5 of my miniature quilted landscapes and two pair of knitting needles.
It was the sitting outside that has made my Allergies flare up and the Allergies brought along their little friend, Depression. Sweetie says that everyone where he works is complaining that their allergies are bad at this time, even those who have never been bothered before by allergies.
What to do? I'm gonna go take my second nap of the day here in a minute. I feel extremely low energy. Xtreme Sloth! That's part of my problem, the guilt of not being productive. It's hard for me to acknowledge that I'm really ill and not just being lazy. And there is always so much to do! If I even try to knit right now, I will most certainly fall asleep. Blogging isn't keeping me awake very well, either.
So let me finish today by saying that I have begun an art quilt using the silk noil which I dye painted. I started out not really knowing where the piece would end and then stared at and studied it for a few days. Re-did some of the first work and am now happy. The subject is a praying figure and the colors are warm pinks and reds. I will try for a photo next post.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
FUZZARELLY SEES THE LIGHT
The allergies are back and badder than ever. I am hot to the touch. My stomach is queasy, with food and without. I have a headache. Sweetie reminded me that late summer is always bad for me because of ragweed and nettles. I'm trying to stay inside as much as I can and I am taking my medz - what else can I do?
I am working on a pair of socks, the ones with that nice ribbing. Have turned the heel and am on the straight away going toward the toes. This is the second pair in a row that I have used the short row heel and toe and it went a bit better this time - only one rip out session. I did what I should have done a long time ago - I placed a lamp near me so I can see what the hell I am doing. Imagine that! Being able to see those teen-eintsy dark blue stitches clearly does make a difference!
Pampered P wondered about the trial out come. I refer you to the archives, hon, the first post after August 2. Hint: it was good!
Wendy has emailed twice. Hi, Wen!
And today, Sweetie turns 44!
This is all I can do today - I'll get back to regular and more interesting blogging soon.
I am working on a pair of socks, the ones with that nice ribbing. Have turned the heel and am on the straight away going toward the toes. This is the second pair in a row that I have used the short row heel and toe and it went a bit better this time - only one rip out session. I did what I should have done a long time ago - I placed a lamp near me so I can see what the hell I am doing. Imagine that! Being able to see those teen-eintsy dark blue stitches clearly does make a difference!
Pampered P wondered about the trial out come. I refer you to the archives, hon, the first post after August 2. Hint: it was good!
Wendy has emailed twice. Hi, Wen!
And today, Sweetie turns 44!
This is all I can do today - I'll get back to regular and more interesting blogging soon.
Friday, August 18, 2006
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