Monday, October 29, 2007

I find that I am now editing, nay, censuring my blog because I know some of the people reading it. Certain friends and family. Fuzzarelly sure is boring these days.

Let me tell you where I'm at today. And also for the past several months. No editing. I am not particularly depressed, but I sure don't have anything to cheer about. I find myself solving sudoku puzzles in order to pass the time. I am not interested in anything. I don't want to do anything. I merely want to get through each day as painlessly and quickly as possible. I am waiting to die, if you want to know. I am so tired of life. Not that I will take any active measures to end my existence since mother took that messy way out.

I am told that this is not normal. People should not feel this way. Yeah, well, here I am. It isn't icky hot anymore (which is so depressing), but the fall brings substantially less sun light which makes me sad and listless. Am I not a worthless piece of flesh?

The 300 little samples of Fuzzarelly Fibers that I sent to S.O.A.R. has generated maybe twenty hits at and zero emails. I de-listed my wares at Etsy because it got no interest. I don't know what to do. My stuff is good - at least to me. I have been spinning it over the weekend and it's been one of the more enjoyable things I've done in a while. It's rather pricey, but not outrageous. Not when one considers what people will spend on their hobbies.

But this is outside of my depression. I'd be depressed either way.

I stopped knitting the body of the leaf/green shawl when I became totally sick of it and began the edging, which is proving to be more interesting than I thought it would be. It's a fairly simple pointed thing and there is an end in sight.

I have sock yarn but no desire to knit socks.

I have way too many things that I am tired of tending to, keeping track of, storing. I don't have the energy to get rid it.

Sweetie is so attentive and adoring but I fear that he will grow tired of my sad face and cease to love me.

I have to pay $2000 for my roto-rooter session that my insurance won't cover. There may not be any insurance at all if Sweetie's job goes gone. Fuck me. (In the old sense of 'hit or strike' me.

I wish I were a bear so that I could hibernate for six months.

If you have stayed with me so far, this is your REWARD.


Anonymous said...

What a hoot! I refer, of course, to the Reward you gave us; which, coming last, is uppermost in mind. Where you find these things is beyond me!

But now to more serious matters; have you looked into light therapy? Those full-spectrum light boxes are supposed to work wonders with SAD, and without the drug side effects that you found to be so awful. And the cost is pretty low, too, especially in comparison to drugs. I wish I lived closer so that I could drop in and be obnoxious in person; and make all those little (largely useless)gestures, like making you a nice cuppa tea. I wish there were answers.
Nancy Neverswept

Yoshimi said...

Right missus, firstly I would like to order some yoshimi fuz if you have any available, secondly in my other life I am a website consultant, helping people get traffic to their sites, from search engines and others. Drop me a line, and I will give you a hand on the traffic front :) Fluffy fiber is hard to come by and I don't want the spinning community to be disheartened. Finally I second the suggestion of tea, I'm English, and as every English woman knows, tea solves anything...broke your foot...cuppa tea, bad hair day...cuppa tea...Oh look dear they just launched a nuke, and it's headed straight for us...I'll make a cuppa tea :)

shansays said...

I hear you girl, I just sent my husband back to school to learn how to use a computer. And of course, now I am terrified that he'll find my blog and know the truth. My recommendation is to skip the damn tea, but rent some British humor (Coupling is great!) and just sit and watch 10 episodes back to back and knit something mind numbingly easy. At least, that's what I usually do. I haven't been able to muster anything more complicated than wristers for weeks now. Love you!! Also, I joined Ravelry, and that is helping me get more motivated.