The nine signs of depression, according to WebMD. If one answers yes to at least five questions, look out.
A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning.
Lately, yes.
Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day.
Yes.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day.
Yes.
Impaired concentration, indecisiveness.
Yes.
Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day.
Not so much.
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day.
Yes.
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death.)
I am not fearing death, nor contemplating it.
A sense of restlessness -- known as psychomotor agitation -- or being slowed down -- retardation.
Yes, retardation.
Significant weight loss or gain (a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.)
No. I wish I could say weight loss.
And don't forget to figure in the drinking. A woman is considered to have a problem if she has more than three drinks at a time. Hell, I'm just getting started at three.
So, what to do?
Part of me is screaming out for help, and part of me doesn't want to make any effort. At all. But putting this out here on the blog is a start. I don't have any insurance right now, so that sort of help, therapy, more drugs, rehab, is out of the question.
Today and tomorrow is the fiber festival, and, apparently, I am not going to make it. At all. Sorry to everyone that was counting on me to be there. I hurt and I ache, and I can't bear the thought of being among people. I feel totally overwhelmed.
Fuzzarelly is Back
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Costumes for Sale!
Also offered on Louisville craigslist.
This is Sweetie in a fantastic vampire cape, made of purple/black heavy weight satin taffeta. The hem circumference measutes 30 feet! Stand up collar, to frame your lovely face. Neck medallion included, but not shown. Sweetie is six foot tall. $50 plus shipping.
This is yours truly, with dyed black hair, in an Elvirus Costume. Washable! Black stretch panne velvet, with bust pads. Fits size 12/14, 5'5" person. Very sexy! I am older and fluffier and will never wear again. $20 plus shipping.
This is Sweetie in a fantastic vampire cape, made of purple/black heavy weight satin taffeta. The hem circumference measutes 30 feet! Stand up collar, to frame your lovely face. Neck medallion included, but not shown. Sweetie is six foot tall. $50 plus shipping.
This is yours truly, with dyed black hair, in an Elvirus Costume. Washable! Black stretch panne velvet, with bust pads. Fits size 12/14, 5'5" person. Very sexy! I am older and fluffier and will never wear again. $20 plus shipping.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The Day After Celebrate Laconia, 2009
Sweetie and Haliegh.
Me and Sweetie.
Our favorite Crazy Neighbor, aka The Instigator.
With his 11 year old daughter.
Haliegh and Brianna with their new bunnies.
Me and Sweetie.
Our favorite Crazy Neighbor, aka The Instigator.
With his 11 year old daughter.
Haliegh and Brianna with their new bunnies.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Not an Application.
I had a little incident yesterday, call it a wake-up call if you will, that showed me I should up my Enthusiastimine™ dosage.
One of the Three Hateful Trolls that took great delight in tormenting me several years back made a remark to me that would sound harmless if taken at face value, and if it had come from just about anyone else. I was walking Princess, and halfway through the route, it began to rain. This Hateful Troll took the opportunity to drive, not down the street and avoid me, but down the alley I was in, causing me to step off into someone's yard to let him pass. I had no intention of engaging with him in any manner at all, so I stood there in the rain, and turned my back to him, hoping he would just pass. But no, he had stop, roll down his window, and tell me, "That dog of yours is gonna get you wet," before he drove on.
I know. Sounds benign.
One of the previous remarks he made to me, about six years ago, was, "I sure am glad that I have property for your dogs to shit on." If he has opened his mouth within my hearing, ever, it has been to spew vitriol at someone or something. Another time, he deliberately rutted my yard behind the barn after I wrote a letter to the editor defending his contribution to our community, despite the fact that he has two junk yards in town where he just keeps stuff. (He was a volunteer fireman, secretary of the water company, and general mechanic.) He's also a crazy ass hoarder, one of those people one reads about being crushed to death by newspapers in their own home, (one can only hope.) I have always tried to avoid him. But now, with Princess, I am back to dog-walking and being out and about the town and feeling vulnerable. Very vulnerable.
I'm not afraid of him. I know I could take him in a fair fight, but he is the type that doesn't play fair. He's an evil-tempered bully with a persecution complex.
He made me mad yesterday and I had no outlet for that anger, having never learned how to deal with anger in an appropriate manner. He made me cry and with all my heart, I wished to be gone from this town. If I had been a guy, or some other girl, I would have said, "Yeah, fuck you, asshole." But I'm not a guy and I'm not another girl, and I have tried that sort of thing with the Trolls, and I knew if I said, for example, "Shut the fuck up, Maurice, and get the hell out of the street," that the whole episode would have escalated into something I don't need to deal with. I got mad, went home, told a friend who didn't really understand all the backstory, and I cried a little bit.
So, upon reflection, I remembered that there is less daylight these days, and there will be even less sunshine in the next few months, and I remembered that I get into a blue funk this time of year, every year, like clockwork.
Time for more drugs.
One of the Three Hateful Trolls that took great delight in tormenting me several years back made a remark to me that would sound harmless if taken at face value, and if it had come from just about anyone else. I was walking Princess, and halfway through the route, it began to rain. This Hateful Troll took the opportunity to drive, not down the street and avoid me, but down the alley I was in, causing me to step off into someone's yard to let him pass. I had no intention of engaging with him in any manner at all, so I stood there in the rain, and turned my back to him, hoping he would just pass. But no, he had stop, roll down his window, and tell me, "That dog of yours is gonna get you wet," before he drove on.
I know. Sounds benign.
One of the previous remarks he made to me, about six years ago, was, "I sure am glad that I have property for your dogs to shit on." If he has opened his mouth within my hearing, ever, it has been to spew vitriol at someone or something. Another time, he deliberately rutted my yard behind the barn after I wrote a letter to the editor defending his contribution to our community, despite the fact that he has two junk yards in town where he just keeps stuff. (He was a volunteer fireman, secretary of the water company, and general mechanic.) He's also a crazy ass hoarder, one of those people one reads about being crushed to death by newspapers in their own home, (one can only hope.) I have always tried to avoid him. But now, with Princess, I am back to dog-walking and being out and about the town and feeling vulnerable. Very vulnerable.
I'm not afraid of him. I know I could take him in a fair fight, but he is the type that doesn't play fair. He's an evil-tempered bully with a persecution complex.
He made me mad yesterday and I had no outlet for that anger, having never learned how to deal with anger in an appropriate manner. He made me cry and with all my heart, I wished to be gone from this town. If I had been a guy, or some other girl, I would have said, "Yeah, fuck you, asshole." But I'm not a guy and I'm not another girl, and I have tried that sort of thing with the Trolls, and I knew if I said, for example, "Shut the fuck up, Maurice, and get the hell out of the street," that the whole episode would have escalated into something I don't need to deal with. I got mad, went home, told a friend who didn't really understand all the backstory, and I cried a little bit.
So, upon reflection, I remembered that there is less daylight these days, and there will be even less sunshine in the next few months, and I remembered that I get into a blue funk this time of year, every year, like clockwork.
Time for more drugs.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Receipt is Acknowledged.
Sweetie is still employed, although the company is so new that they have no refrigerator or microwave, and he thought it prudent to bring in a roll of toilet paper when he didn't see a reserve supply.
Yesterday, they handed him a beverage cooler with two outlets in it, and told him to install them. "Where? And to what wires? I can do wiring, but I need wires first."
He seems to be thriving in that environment, though, and I am likewise doing quite well. Imagine my Enormous Grin.
What I love best about him working is the quiet here in the house. (Well, the money is technically in first place.) Not silence, because there is that mockingbird on the chimney, a little traffic noise, the roosters, high flying jets, the breeze rustling the brittle leaves, a distant dog barking, the indoor rabbits licking their water bottles, and the electric hum that seems to always always in my head. But it is quiet.
My body and my brain are happy.
Like Knitting Linguist wrote in comments, How can I miss you if you never leave?
I am not to the point yet of missing him, but that will come with time.
Yesterday, they handed him a beverage cooler with two outlets in it, and told him to install them. "Where? And to what wires? I can do wiring, but I need wires first."
He seems to be thriving in that environment, though, and I am likewise doing quite well. Imagine my Enormous Grin.
What I love best about him working is the quiet here in the house. (Well, the money is technically in first place.) Not silence, because there is that mockingbird on the chimney, a little traffic noise, the roosters, high flying jets, the breeze rustling the brittle leaves, a distant dog barking, the indoor rabbits licking their water bottles, and the electric hum that seems to always always in my head. But it is quiet.
My body and my brain are happy.
Like Knitting Linguist wrote in comments, How can I miss you if you never leave?
I am not to the point yet of missing him, but that will come with time.
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