This mailbox is full.

The hateful beaded bracelet is done and riddled with mistakes and badly finished. I may just put it in a drawer somewhere and forget about it.

Which means that I am able to felt again. And work on felting related things such as workshop proposals for my dragon eye pins and my little purses. I have submitted both to the Ozark Fiber Fling, which is in November. I had to make several dragon eyes in order to write up directions. It's funny how quickly I forget the little nuances, like adding silk, or how thick to make them. It took me until my third one before I was happy. Next is writing the instructions for the purse. It had been a little while since I made one, but the purse is pretty straightforward and I am very pleased with the one I made yesterday. I have the component parts - it just needs assembling. The instructions shouldn't be too hard.

I love that happy flower.

Today, I am off to Columbia for my cardiologist appointment. It's just a routine check up; my heart has been behaving quite well lately. 

I also have installed a number of my art quilts at our local Art Center gallery, (it's a Retrospective,) where they will hang until August. It makes me so happy to see them up again! Also? People around here had no idea that I had made anything like this, because I don't go around talking about it or bragging about it. It feels really nice to hear compliments, because, you know, I am human. I don't know exactly, but I think I have about 18 pieces on display, along with some of the felt purses and pins I've done recently.

Important Information Enclosed

Didn't mean to be away from here so long. I am really enjoying writing again, and I like how I have to focus on what I want to say.  Of course, there are things I will never say here, for example, where the body is buried.

So. I have spent way too much time learning bead weaving and too much time working on it. I chose the most elaborate design the instructor had, because everything else was boring and uninteresting. It was wider than the other students' and used more colors of beads (20.) And I changed all the colors because the original called for black and gold and cream and steam punky. And I hope I am never tempted to do this again. Ever.

Last class, of three, is Friday night where we will cut the piece off the loom, sew it to leather, (thereby hiding all the loose ends,) and attach the bracelet hardware. What was I thinking? I never wear bracelets.

I have 20 some-odd pounds of merino waiting for my attention. I am ready to get my hands all wet and soapy again. Oh, I did write a proposal for a felted bag class this November, and I know that Hillcreek Yarns would like me to teach a class. I want to write up a proposal for those little dragon eye pins, too. 

I feel as though all this time spent on this stupid bead thing was a waste. But I worked at the kitchen table and watched at least 20 hours of documentaries on quantum physics, mathematics, the Big Bang, and one on the Battle of the Bulge, just to lighten things up a bit. I haven't felt well physically, either. And here it is, fucking raining again. 

Hand wash in cool water.

I have been back in Indiana this past weekend, seeing to the old house. I had a 20 yard dumpster delivered and set in the driveway, and Sweetie and I filled it up with cardboard boxes, broken furniture, rusted curtain rods and all sorts of junk. It was exhausting, but it was good to have so much stuff cleared out. The house has been 'empty' for almost a year, and the previous renters left food in the pantry and a filthy stove. Doing all this work was deja vu. We did the same thing when we moved there in 1994, and that made me so sad. I fought back tears more than once, let me tell ya. Since I am no longer on my mood stabilizer, my emotions are very close to the surface, and this trip was emotional. But I fought through it, I felt the sadness but I kept going.

We have a trusted contractor painting the house and repairing windows and doors. We have someone keeping the grass cut. We are paying the water, sewer, and electric bill. And don't forget about the taxes and insurance. What a thief a house can be.

The original goal was to get the house in good enough shape to put it on the market, maybe by fall, but we may have found a couple to rent it. We are told they are good Christian people, but we will rent to them in spite of that. I love how someone being a 'good Christian person' is supposed to be some sort of vouchsafe.

Don't get me started.

So. Here are some photos.

I painted this in 1999 with plain old craft paint.

We stayed in a motel instead of the house, as the plumbing was broken yet again, which was an unexpected expense. Then Sweetie inadvertently pulled back the bottom sheet and pad on the bed and found a dirty pair of thong panties. Size small. I do not wear a small anything. I wrapped them in a hand towel and presented them to the manager upon check out, saying that maybe housekeeping was getting a little sloppy. Got a discount on the room for both nights. Sweetie was a great deal more skeezed out about the whole thing than I was, and really wanted to forget about it and throw the panties in the trash, but I have spent too much time talking to customer service at Frontier and AT&T. I finally learned how to turn my dissatisfaction into a plus.

Anyway. Looking forward to some sort of a normal day tomorrow.

Sign me up.

So. I have decided not to pursue selling at that show in November. I will participate in my guild's sale that month. I will not pursue becoming a juried member of Best of Missouri Hands right now. I will continue to work at this craft of felting, though.

I think my anxiety level was rising to near panic stage. I have done the guild show once, so I feel a great deal more comfortable about doing it again. I don't have to decide to do anything else now, and that is a relief.

I am just not happy about the quality of my work. I don't want any inferior quality goods amongst my wares. I want time to just create and learn and enjoy without the stress of wondering if this thing will sell. I gave away 5 pins and a keyring today to everyone at my vet's office. That made me happy. These were among my early work, and I have improved. They weren't crap, though.

I did some work on the brown purse. I like the way I did the handle, and I think the rose looks so much nicer. The bag now looks 'smart.'

I like the rose, and made it by accident. I had wanted to make a little vase for a votive candle, but during the felting the cup-shape became smooched into a lovely little flower. I immediately made 3 more, tweaking each one.

Beat well.

Over 3" of rain today. Crazy rain. Flood rain and crop-ruination rain. We have had right at seven inches of rain this past week. And now it's going to get hot, too, so that will be lovely indoor weather.

The reviews of the new movie about Brian Wilson are all good and part of me would like to see it, but I don't think I ever will. It's too bittersweet; too sad and too deep into the pain of abuse and too deep into the joy of creation. No, I don't need that sadness or those visions of abuse running around in my head. I can't and don't watch anything to do with whales or elephants - it upsets me too much. I have to be so careful and vigilant and guard against seeing the pain. Certain books I cannot read, so it isn't just visual things that cause me anxiety and distress.

On a brighter note, Sweetie and I saw Mad Max: Fury Road(?) this afternoon and it was fabulous. So much better than I was expecting with great effects and a good story and of course, action. I'm not a movie reviewer, but let me say that I have seen a lot of movies far worse than this one. Fake movie violence doesn't bother me usually but I have to know that the dog, or whatever, lives or I won't watch it.

Because of tinnitus, I sleep with the radio on. And because I need to hush all the sadness in my head, I listen to stand up comedy all night. Makes me happy.

This is a decorative bowl, you might say. It was an idea I've been studying on, and it didn't quite turn out like I'd planned, so I added some machine stitching which made it moderately less sucky. I rather like the back better.

Seems like I am all over the place with my felting. I feel like there is so much to learn and try to do and I have no sense of remove from my work to know if it is any good. This might be one of those pieces I put aside for awhile and come back to later.

Safe for baby.

I made this little bowl last Saturday while I was staffing the Art Center, and completely forgot about it. Today, I added some machine stitching, which makes it more interesting. 7" x 2.5" more or less.

No alcohol allowed.

I don't know why I hadn't seen it, but I watched the last episode of season 3 of Sherlock. Fabulous in all the right ways! Crumpetpie Bandersnatch - what more can I say? And Mary! Excellent writing and direction, too.

And so, while I watched it, and all the little short 'behind the scenes' bits, I made another little messenger /iPad mini bag. Beautiful brown on the outside and turquoise in all its glory on the inside. And I figured out how to make a pocket. Although I had intended for it to be on the inside, but once that first cut was made, it was too late. An "aw fuck" moment, that. But I was inordinately pleased with myself, nonetheless, with how it turned out. 

You can see where I laid some extra brown over the resist. In the rest of the bag, the brown and turquoise gently merged. The flap is all brown, too. Ah well, another thing learnt. I put a magnetic closure on the one, and all is done save for attaching the strap. Maybe. I may add some stitching to the rose, and I may do a little something at the top of the inside. It looks a bit rough.